Dreaming Yourself in Being: Instructions for Life

Have you ever wished Life came with an instruction booklet? (Honestly, who has NOT wished for that?) Incidentally, it does.

As we wrap up our Spooky Season theme of working toward something you are dreaming of doing—but that feels a bit scary—let’s take a look at Life’s instructions for you.

What do you love? What energizes you? What drains your energy? What are you excited and curious about? What is interesting? What feels exhausting? What sucks the life right out of you?

These signs are your instructions to Life. They are unique for each of us. Our nervous systems are coded for safety through belonging to our community, but our Souls and Bodies are coded for unique expression.

So, in order to live a fulfilling and wholehearted life, you must care for the nervous system while ALSO moving more and more toward the things in Life that light you up.

There Are Three Steps to Take as You Dream Yourself into Being

Whether you are 15 or 95—it’s never too late to become more of yourself.

A Word About Belonging

Belonging doesn’t just feel good—it is critical to your survival. We are a communal species. We need each other for true well-being.

There is so much excellent and fascinating research on attachment theory if you crave a deeper understanding. From birth, our nervous systems are working to keep us safe, and the very basis for this begins in belonging to our families and communities.

Through this communal relationship, first with primary caregivers and extending into our families, we are kept safe, sheltered, and fed. Literally—we are kept alive.

Wanting to be with the “in-crowd” or “popular” is actually about being accepted and belonging which, at its root, is equal to safe and alive.

However, true belonging does not mean we all need to look, dress, or behave the same way. We are not designed by the Creative Force to all be the same.

This “game of Life” needs each of you to be the fullest expression of who you are designed to be. We need the artists to make art. We need the engineers to engineer. We need the healers to heal.

We need the joy each person feels when they’re lit up by their life path to help us all access more joy.

True belonging is when you can be yourself without any masks.

I know true acceptance and belonging for all people—regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, socio-economic class, education, religion, politics, job, and life choices—is still very much our collective evolutionary growth edge.

However, we each have a responsibility to take the small steps to accepting our own unique differences, see these as gifts, and put them into action.

Instructions for Life: Dreaming Yourself Into Being

1. Examine Your Dream, Calling, or Desire

What is the feeling that you hope to have if you achieve or do this thing? Ask yourself, why do I want this?

Be as sure as you can in the moment that it is authentic to you and not just because it is what you see people around you doing (that would be a desire for belonging).

It’s okay if you are not sure. It is far better to try, realize you might be wrong and course correct, than to let your Soul’s desires die on the vine.

How do you know?

Do you feel energized by the idea of what you are dreaming?Emotions that point to your path include excitement, curiosity, interest, peace, and joy.

Sensations in your body might include fizzy, bubbly, warmth, calm, lightness, and a feeling of leaning in.

Do not ignore these sensations. This is how you know.

2. Recognize That Your Beautiful Brain Categorizes All New Things as Scary

Expect to feel some anxiety, nerves, and uncertainty when you decide to take action toward your dream. Just know and expect this to happen.

While you may feel excited and energized about doing something or creating something, you may also feel afraid to take any action.

Your brain might come up with all kinds of reasons why it is not practical, not logical, not reasonable, not “what people like you do,” or why now is not the time.

Simply recognize and acknowledge that this is part of your nervous system doing its job to keep you “safe.” It is trying to protect you from vulnerability, criticism, failure, and pain.

If you try something new, you may fail. If you show more of your unique self, you may not be accepted by those you love.

The possibility of these things feels unsafe to the nervous system, so it does its best to keep you locked into the way you have always been because it thinks you are safe there.

Ironically, ignoring the dreams of your Soul and Body also makes the nervous system feel unsafe because when you ignore what your Soul and Body are asking of you, then the energy of creative expression has nowhere to flow—it becomes blocked.

This registers as grief and anger in your emotions. It feels like pain, stiffness, and inflammation in the body.

3. Practice Nervous System Regulation 101

So what do we do?

Practice nervous system regulation 101 so that you can expand your mind enough to feel safe even when things are new—rather than always feeling like you do not deserve your dream or struggling with imposter syndrome.

What does “practice nervous system regulation” mean?

It means doing things that specifically and physiologically help your nervous system go from an activated or “sympathetic” state into a regulated or "parasympathetic" state.

A dysregulated nervous system is one that is on high alert all the time.

A regulated nervous system can react when needed but remains in a steady state of calm most of the time—and is able to return to this baseline steady state after activation is needed.

For example, if you are driving and someone pulls out in front of you, your muscles tense, your heart rate skyrockets, your palms get sweaty, and you might feel a little sick. This is sympathetic nervous system activation—or you may recognize it as “fight or flight.”

Then, once you see you are safe, it was just a near-miss, you take a deep breath, shake out your hands, and everything calms back down again. Your heart rate slows and your muscles relax. You slip back into “rest and digest.”

Meditation, warm baths, breathwork, some types of exercise, walks in nature, vagal nerve maneuvers, somatics, and journaling are some methods for regulating the nervous system.

These are ideally daily or weekly practices which support an overall lower, steadier calm baseline for your nervous system.

The parasympathetic—or calm—state of the nervous system is where resting, digesting, and very importantly, repairing for the body’s tissues, happens.

Anyone who is suffering with chronic pain, illness, auto-immune conditions, chronic Lyme, Long COVID, and other chronic symptoms is not in the parasympathetic rest, digest, and repair state. Their nervous system is on high alert.

For more on healing this, please see Nicole Sach’s work on the Mind Body connection.

You also cannot easily access the executive functioning and problem-solving area of your brain as easily in the activated fight/flight state. This is only fully available to a regulated, calm nervous system.

This feels like brain fog, anxiety, inability to stay focused, and distraction.

The body will not expend energy on rest, digestion, and repair if it perceives you are not safe. It will only expend energy on efforts to make itself feel safe again.

A Note About Numbing

Please note that numbing practices like food, alcohol, and screen time—while they have their place—are not the same as nervous system regulation and will not achieve the same results.

Any activity that takes your awareness outside of your body will not help your nervous system come back into a place of parasympathetic rest, digest, and repair.

Partnered Healing Practices

At Partnered Healing, we recommend several specific nervous system regulation practices including:

• Vagal nerve stimulating maneuvers for support in stressful moments

• Nicole Sach’s JournalSpeak method, which is different from “regular” journaling

• The Workout Witch somatic courses for trauma healing

There are other methods, but we have found these to be evidence-based, very accessible, and extremely effective.

We utilize them and provide education on them in our life coaching sessions.

Practicing nervous system regulation three to five times per week when you are doing something new or even simply working to heal your body is like having a loving parent assist you when you are learning to ride a bike.

You try a little bit, you feel nervous and wobble, your parent says, “You are doing okay. I’m here. I love you. You are safe.” You can go a little further.

When you are working toward your dream, you soothe your nervous system and then you feel a little safer and calmer. With safety, your mind clears, and you can see the next right step to take toward your dream.

You are not reacting—you are building the life you want, one supported and regulated step at a time.

For More Information

For more information, assistance with, and practical application on regulating your nervous system, please talk with your Partnered Healing Provider, consider working with one of our coaches, and/or attend our monthly Partnered Healing Community Group meetings.

Written by Jessica Cochran, BSN RN

Partnered Healing Integrative Life Coach