Dreaming Yourself into Being During the Spooky Season

Come, let your days take on a filmy, atmospheric quality with the darkening hours, the cooler temps, and changing leaves. Can you let the lines blur a bit between the stuff you have to do and the visions you hold in your head of what you want your life to look like?

In the last blog, we asked about the thing you are longing to do that feels a little bit scary. So get a warm cup of something, light a candle, and let's sink a little deeper into what your Soul and Body are asking of you.

In our community group meeting last week, the specific dreams that we workshopped with participants were moving to an unknown but warmer place for retirement and finding a group exercise class to attend.

On the outside these seem like fairly simple, even common, things to do. If your friend was one of these people you would probably have no problem saying to him or her, “Yes, you should do that thing! I support you!” For the individuals who brought them to discuss though, there were real uncertainties, fears, and emotions that made them feel like complex and scary decisions to make.

Three Things to Know About Answering the Call of Your Soul and/or Body

1. What Are You Longing For?

“Dreams, desires, and longings, when rooted in your authenticity, are the language of the Soul and Body moving you toward the fullest expression of your Life. These guide you toward your purpose and what is going to feel the most fulfilling to you. (Life’s instruction booklet for you)” (quote from the last blog).

When you feel the stir of envy or longing, when you are holding a dream of something, the first thing you want to do is examine why you want that thing—just to be sure it is coming from an authentic place inside you and not from a conditioned belief that you “should” want it.

Junior high and high school are classic examples of NOT being authentic. At that age, kids often want what their friends have simply because it is developmentally appropriate for belonging to be the most important need. We tend to say our late teens and early twenties are for differentiation and “finding ourselves.”

This is to say, discovering what you really love and are drawn to versus what the social norms around you dictate. It would benefit us to continue this practice of self-discovery our whole lives, and the way to do that is to observe what you are really drawn to (versus what your social conditioning says), what fires you up, what energizes you, and even what you envy.

These are THE roadmap to what is meant for you on this planet. I’m not referring simply to a vocation but every aspect of Life—play, work, service, relationship, and creativity.

What energizes you IS what you are here to be doing—whether that is volunteering with animals, erotic dancing for your own enjoyment, or cross-stitching, as well as more career-oriented things. What excites you, what you dream of, is all part of the fullest expression of your life and of LIFE in a larger sense.

In our example from the community group, one participant has been longing to find a new group exercise class to attend. She used to be in one and remembers how much she enjoyed it. Group classes made exercise FUN for her—something to look forward to, and not just another chore on her to-do list. She misses doing new and interesting movements with friends, and the energy and inspiration that comes from a group setting.

2. What Is Holding Us Back?

“Your beloved nervous system feels… well, nervous… about anything new because even if the new thing is your heart’s desire, your nervous system and brain perceive anything unfamiliar as unsafe. We have to help the nervous system feel safe when stepping into new territory.”

The part of your nervous system that is ancient, having evolved many millennia ago, is automatic and is entirely focused on keeping your body alive. It does not consult your higher-level thinking brain in this task.

This part of the nervous system views anything new or different as dangerous to you, even if it is “only” emotionally vulnerable but not actually physically dangerous.

If you would like to understand more about how this can be the case, I direct you to the work of Nicole Sachs and her mentor Dr. John Sarno, or invite you to try integrative life and health coaching through your Partnered Healing membership.

When you are trying anything new, recognize that a part of your brain will come up with a list of reasons why now is not the right time to do this thing.

Despite knowing she loves the energy of group exercise classes, our community group member felt fear about finding a new place and her nervous system manufactured a list of reasons why she should not try it—she doesn’t know where to go or wouldn’t know anyone there, what if they judge how she looks in her clothes, what if she can’t do the movements or looks weird? What if no one talks to her?

These are all valid concerns and also not good enough, true enough reasons to keep her from something that will elevate her life and make her happy.

The key is to realize these will show up and then use practices to help herself feel safe while taking the steps toward the exercise class.

These nervous system regulating tools can include:

• Breathwork

• Leaning on a friend for support and companionship

• Journal Speak (a very effective method developed by Nicole Sachs)

• Somatic movements designed to calm and regulate the nervous system (The Workout Witch is our go-to for this)

We teach some of these techniques in our coaching and community group sessions.

3. What If We Ignore Our Heart’s Desire?

“Ironically, repressing, shutting down, or ignoring what your Soul and Body are asking for also feels unsafe to the nervous system because grief, sadness, resentment, and anger can build up over time the longer a person ignores their Soulful dream. Powerful emotions trigger danger in the nervous system. Danger in the nervous system triggers uncomfortable somatic sensations also known as real symptoms in the physical body.”

Simply put, you will miss out on all the good that will come from doing this thing—and you will be sad.

Our friend knew if she chose to stay “safe,” chose to not seek out a group exercise situation, she would miss out on joy, and that made her heart and chest feel heavy with grief.

The World needs you to live your Heart’s Desire.

Join Us

For a deeper dive into our monthly themes, please check the Events Page on our website for our monthly Partnered Healing Community Group, open to all Partnered Healing clients and members.

These are guided explorations of nervous system regulation, our curated monthly topics, and how to live our Best Lives.

We want to see you there!

Written by Jessica Cochran, BSN RN Integrative Life Coach