Finding Freedom in Rhythm

Part 1 of a series on Overwhelm

The irony of the overwhelming nature of trying to write about overwhelm…

I am very much feeling the calendar as it tips over into July, Happy Birthday America! Let’s not wax on about how this feels somewhat impossible. Instead I'd like to invite you to take a comfortable breath in, and as you breathe out, let your shoulders drop down from wherever they are. Were your shoulders tense? Were you aware of that before I called attention to them? Is your belly tight? Is your body braced? Is it braced against something specific or against the generalized life overwhelm so many people express feeling? Maybe it’s both. 

As a part of a larger series on the topic of Overwhelm, health coach Lindsay Duke and I would like to invite Partnered Healing members to join us for our monthly small group meeting next week, you’ll find the information here. We will be discussing Rhythm and Routine, and how to refine your schedule to better suit a life of freedom and vitality unique to you. 

What comes to mind when you read the word rhythm? What about the word routine? I often hear my clients say, “I’ve got to get myself into a better routine.” Like somehow that will help ease the angst; that maybe somehow we have allowed our lives to get out of control. Do you feel like your life or parts of your life are out of control? How much of your life, if you had to give a percentage, feels like it’s a good fit for you? How much freedom, vitality, and ease do you experience each day?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, they are just a starting place for observation with the goal always being to grow closer and closer to a uniquely designed life that fits you like it was made just for you (because it can be). A life designed just for you is one very important source of high health and vitality.

I am going to offer to you a way to think of these two words, rhythm and routine. The way we will discuss routine in our group is to use the idea that a routine is something that does not have much flexibility to it. It has a lot of structure and it feels like, to me, that many people grasp at that word like if we were just following a “healthy” routine, things in our lives would feel better. Instead what I tend to see and have experienced myself is that routines often hold an impossible bar and feel like the opposite of freedom. Humans by nature are always changing and growing, our phases of life, menstrual cycles, the cycles of nature, everything flows and changes so expecting yourself to stick to a specific routine every day may work directly against these inherent cycles.

Everything in life, including humans, do however follow expected rhythms. I know it might seem like semantics, but I want to suggest to you that a rhythm is a gentle guide to how to spend your time each day. Furthermore, when you design your daily rhythm to your own specifications, not only will you feel less confused about how to manage your life, you will “get more done,” and, I will go so far as to say, that you can feel much happier, safe, settled, and satisfied.

The reason we long to have a routine in place is often because we feel overwhelmed by responsibilities and by tons of choices. Designing your unique rhythm helps you really pare down, not only the sheer amount of options and the time of day you do something, but also helps you adapt to the season of the year and phase of life when things are going to work the best for you. A simple example is people who identify as night owls expecting themselves to get up to workout before work in the morning, or anyone thinking they must follow a diet or exercise routine that does not feel inherently supportive simply because it is what is recommended at the moment. Another example are the expectations we pile on to our normal daily lives during specific seasons of the year. I propose that the critical voice that talks to us when we “fail” to stick to a routine is more damaging than not doing that healthy routine at all. 

Developing your own rhythm based on what brings you enjoyment, satisfaction, and a sense of freedom (there are specific steps to this process) provides a foundation for how to live your life each day. There is reassurance in returning to the rhythm designed for you by you. 

I will give a real life example. Over the course of a number of years, I have refined my schedule more and more to fit what helps me feel my best. This will always be a work in progress. I have taken transitional moments like job changes, children milestones, or house moves, to ask myself what do I want to see and feel in the next phase of my life?

I started with a “block schedule” idea that was 100% too full and an impossible bar, but the idea that blocks of each day could hold the same thing stuck. I know that some kind of movement is best for me in the mornings. I may not feel like I have the energy for lifting weights each day, but just knowing that is when I feel the most energy for movement, helps me narrow down my options for that time of day. Sometimes it is just a walk, or a slow floor-based pilates. 

Mid morning to mid afternoon is my best work time. I feel clear and focused and energized. Then I need to rest a bit. Sometimes that's a full nap, sometimes that is just to lie down on the floor (if you are a client of mine, you know how much I strongly recommend lying on the floor for 5-10 minutes to combat overwhelm). Then I am energized and ready for friends and family connection time, the outdoors, and right now, sitting by the neighborhood pool or making dinner. After that, we like family movie nights.

Here is the key; **Knowing this is my rhythm means that at each transition spot of the day, I am not trying to figure out which of my 17 priorities I should be focused on or beating myself up for not doing something.**

Appointments, life, and work are of course mixed there. If I miss my movement window one day, that’s ok, I am not trying to make it up later in the day. That same opportunity will present itself again tomorrow. When I am trying to develop a new piece of the rhythm, I will use alarms set in my phone that remind me what it is I intend for that time. Right now my movement alarm at 8am says, “Strong for National Parks trip.” Everyday, this alarm connects me to my motivation for movement. I want to feel strong in my body while we are on a trip planned for the fall. I change these alarms all the time to reflect my authentic desires. This is how you work with neuroplasticity and don’t let yourself down. Recently our summer family movie nights have been making bedtimes too loosey-goosey. This is affecting how well we sleep and feel the next day. My current bedtime alarm is set for 8:45pm and says “GO TO BED.” I remember, “Oh right I do feel bad when we stay up too late watching movies. This is a good place to stop now. I will thank myself later.”

I share all of this as an example within a larger example. In March, my mother-in-law got quite ill and was in the hospital for a long time. After that we were, and continue to be, deeply involved in her day-to-day life. I know many people including clients who are acting as caregivers in similar situations. It was really hard to stick to any kind of rhythm during that time but it still provided a framework for me even if my “movement window” was spent lying on the floor with exhaustion. Once things settled down for her and us, I was able to return to my rhythm without too much spinning out over how much I’d missed, or letting the overwhelm take me down. I absolutely felt overwhelmed. I’m not saying I am immune at all. Just that the presence and knowledge of what rhythm helps me feel my best was the balm to my nervous system and the foundational piece that pulled me back into balance. 

Our nervous systems thrive on the familiar. It feels really good and calming and safe to return to yourself, to keep promises to yourself based on what feeds your soul. I don't know if there is anything more regulating to the nervous system than the sense that you have followed through on what your own soul and body have guided you to. 

Living in this way, the old adage of ‘how you spend your days is how you spend your years’ becomes a blessing. 

If learning more about the nuts and bolts of how to craft your own rhythm interests you, please consider attending our community group next week and anytime as we are always discussing how to refine our lives for more joy, more freedom, and more vitality. 

Written by

Jessica Cochran RN BSN

Integrative Life Coach

Certified Sarno x Sachs Solution: Nervous System Regulation for Chronic Pain Recovery